Are you looking for ways to support someone grieving? Do you feel helpless because you don’t know how to be there for them during this difficult time?
This post is all about how to support someone grieving and also what not to do.
Grief is a tricky and sensitive topic. Most people want to help a loved one as they process through a difficult change like loss, but you don’t always know the best ways how.
Grief is one of the hardest things to navigate because it’s such a painful and uncomfortable thing to go through. It can be challenging to support someone grieving because everyone grieves differently. Grief can also be unpredictable because the emotions come in waves and there is no defined time frame as to when things will not feel quite so heavy.
Your loved one may go through all 5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
There is no “one size fits all” approach, but below are different ways you can support someone grieving. You will also find examples of things you should avoid when trying to be there for your loved one as they grieve.
Ways to Support Someone Grieving
When someone is processing grief from a loss, it’s imperative that you show them support, openness, understanding, and patience. These are the best ways to do that so they can focus on processing their grief.
Being There
When someone you care about experiences a loss, it can be a very lonely feeling. Physically showing up and being there for them can bring comfort in an extremely difficult situation.
If you cannot be there physically, reach out by calling them, video call, or texting to let them know you are available to them.
That alone can ease the heaviness of sadness from loss.
Listening and Creating Open Communication
When you’re with your loved one, whether in person or virtually, be fully present with them as they process their emotions, acknowledge those feelings, and refrain from passing judgement.
Be an active listener by acknowledging their sentiments and giving them your full attention.
By acknowledging what they are experiencing, you are validating their feelings.
Create open communication by encouraging them to express their emotions.
They are looking for ways to feel safe. The best way to do that is by allowing them to feel and not judging them.
This will also let them know they are able to share their emotions with you freely and because you care about them and respect how they feel.
Expressing Compassion and Empathy
Compassion is showing care for someone’s pain and the desire to help relieve it.
Empathy is the ability to understand and show sensitivity to what someone is feeling, thinking, or experiencing.
Expressing both are ways to support someone grieving.
Let your loved one know that you are sorry for what they are going through. This shows that you can understand, at the most basic level, that what they are feeling is truly awful.
Mirror what they are expressing if it’s genuine to you, otherwise show you are listening intently and understand what they are saying by making appropriate responses and maintaining normal eye contact.
Emotional Support
Show emotional support for someone grieving by trying at least one of the following:
- Send a heartfelt card
- Send or bring a bouquet of flowers or something you know the like
- Check in on them regularly by sending messages that you are thinking of them and are there to listen whenever they need you
- Bring them a thoughtful gift that may bring them comfort
- Still invite them to do things
- Going out to eat
- A yoga class where they can self-reflect
- A movie where they can be quiet, if they are more reserved, without being lonely
- Other forms or self-care that resonate with the
Check Out: The Best Minimal and Cozy Christmas Gifts Guide
Practical Support
It can be difficult to remember do to basic things when someone is sad and in pain from a loss. By eliminating the need to think of daily tasks, you are helping them get relief from the burden of their grief.
Help support them in their daily life with some of these ideas:
- Prepare or bring meals for them and their family
- Buy groceries
- Organize a meal train
- Perform household chores
- Run errands or help with daily tasks
- Coordinate a schedule with others so your loved one is receiving help regularly
Recognizing Unique Needs
Everyone copes differently.
For example, some are more outward about how they are feeling and express it more by crying openly, talking about how they feel, and sharing their inner thoughts and questions.
Others may be more reserved and private.
Some people like to stay busy so they are not reminded how sad they truly are and some may find it difficult to think or do anything else than focus on their grief.
Everyone’s bereavement process is on different timelines too.
This can be due to differences in coping styles, cultural and religious backgrounds, or other factors.
There is no right or wrong way for someone to deal with the realization that someone they care for has passed on.
Remember to be respectful of all the unique ways someone grieves and the timeline they do it on.
Checking In
Regularly check in on your loved one and make note of significant dates.
For some, it’s comforting to send a card or mention their loved one’s death anniversary and for others it can be difficult and triggering.
Someone grieving usually knows you have the best intentions so take note of how they respond. If they engage with you in response and mention how helpful that was, then take their word for it.
If they quietly thank you or don’t acknowledge it, that may be a hint that you bringing it up does more harm than good.
For that person it may be a difficult reminder of one of the worst days of their life all over again.
Instead, try focusing on a positive anniversary, like a birthday. Again, if it is received well, then continue to do so in years to come, but if not, it may be best not to bring attention to those days.
If your loved one is open to discussing, have a dialogue about what potential triggers are for them so you can avoid and be sensitive to them in the future.
Remember not to take anything personally and recognize everyone processes differently. Though your intentions may be good, it’s best to adjust to how the person you’re trying to help prefers to be supported.
Self-Care for Supporters
It can hard taking care of someone going through a dark and difficult time, so give yourself self-care too.
If your wellbeing is being negatively impacted, it may be a good idea to set boundaries and seek support for yourself.
This can be anything from practicing self-care activities to finding a professional counselor or therapist to work with.
Check out: 6 Self-Care Routine Ideas to Try in the New Year and The Best Winter Self-Care Activities and How to Make Use of Them
Resources for Further Assistance
If your loved one is looking for additional help, here are some ways to help them find resources:
- Find books about grief or search for related articles to what your loved one is experiencing
- Look for organizations or social media groups that focus on your loved one’s loss type so they can connect with others who are dealing with similar circumstances
- Seek professional help from a counselor, therapist, or other medical professional
- This is important if you notice a serious decline and negative impact to their mental health, especially if you have concerns about them hurting themselves or others.
Acts of Remembrance
Though the sadness of losing someone you care about doesn’t ever fully heal, your loved one will hopefully be able to process their new normal and eventually resume daily life.
To remember and honor their loved one, consider helping create a memorial or participating in an activity to commemorate them.
This can be anything from a gathering for the bereaved to share stories about their passed loved one to doing something they would have enjoyed like going on a trip somewhere that brought them joy or organizing a fund raiser for a cause they cared about.
It can also be dedicating something to them in their honor like planting a tree or donating a park bench in their name.
It can be healing for someone you care for to be able to focus on a positive that resulted in the loss they experienced.
Things That Do Not Help Support Someone Grieving
These are things to avoid doing for the bereaved.
- Not being fully present when they are trying to communicate with you
- Avoiding them or not welcoming them to express how they’re feeling – grief is isolating enough
- Asking them what happened to their loved one
- If they want to share and are comfortable doing so, they will.
- It doesn’t matter because it won’t bring them back.
- It may make their pain even worse to have to explain and discuss how they died and the circumstances.
- Placing blame on them or anyone else as you may not know the details of the situation
- Giving unsolicited advice
- Putting a timeline on their healing or rushing them to “get over it” when loss is not something most ever truly “get over”
- Telling them “time heals all wounds”, that you know how they feel, or that their loved one is “in a better place”
- These are cliché, inaccurate, and often insensitive things to say.
Conclusion
Grief is a complicated and uncomfortable thing that someone you care for will likely go through at some point. It’s a lonely place to be in and important for your loved one to know they have your support so they can learn to process their new reality.
There are many ways to support and help someone do this so they can, one day, laugh again and remember the loss they experienced as more than just the end of a life.
There are also several ways to make it worse and those should be avoided to prevent your loved one from experiencing more pain than they already do.
If someone you know or care about is going through a loss, approach them with gentle care, openness, compassion and empathy, patience, and some of the ways described above to help them get through this difficult time.
This post was all about the best ways to support someone grieving, resources to help them, and things to avoid.
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